How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

Brooks recounts the harrowing experience of Emmanuel Carrère during the 2004 tsunami in Sri Lanka to illustrate the impact of shared events on individual perspectives. The narrative unfolds with Carrère on a vacation with his girlfriend, Hélène, where he was contemplating the end of their relationship. However, the impending separation is eclipsed by the catastrophic tsunami, which reshapes their lives.

Brooks emphasizes the diversity of experiences among those affected, highlighting how each person interprets and responds to the tragedy based on their unique life history. The author underscores the concept of constructionism, asserting that individuals actively construct their perceptions of reality.

Drawing insights from cognitive science, Brooks elucidates the brain’s predictive and corrective processes in shaping subjective consciousness. He provides examples of experiments that reveal the limitations of human perception and illustrates how biases and expectations influence what people see. He refers to social psychologists who reveal the limitations of this predictive perception by conducting experiments, such as the invisible gorilla study. Brooks contends that to truly understand others, one must acknowledge their role as creative artists constructing their own narratives. He introduces the concept of becoming “Illuminators” by engaging in quality conversations that promotes mutual understanding.