It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

Durvasula quotes American author Jonathan Franzen to describe narcissism’s key traits: “The personality susceptible to the dream of limitless freedom is a personality also prone, should the dream ever sour, to misanthropy and rage” (3).

In this chapter, Durvasula explores the nuanced and often misunderstood concept of narcissism. She uses examples to dissect the complexity of narcissistic behaviors and traits, aiming to provide a clearer understanding of this personality disorder.

The chapter begins with two contrasting stories, prompting readers to consider what true narcissism entails, beyond superficial appearances. Carlos is an empathetic individual known for his community involvement and the way that he cares for his family. Despite a moment of indiscretion at a music festival, where he kissed a woman and then confessed to his girlfriend out of guilt, Carlos's behavior does not typically exhibit narcissistic traits. In contrast, Adam consistently displays a lack of empathy and is dismissive of his wife’s feelings. He is unable to support her emotionally, especially after personal losses, and criticizes her social interactions. This exemplifies deeper narcissistic tendencies, highlighting how narcissism can infiltrate and damage close relationships.

Durvasula defines narcissism as an interpersonally maladaptive personality style characterized by a spectrum of behaviors ranging from mild to severe.