Know My Name: A Memoir

An independent woman, Miller relies upon dissociation as a coping mechanism almost immediately following her rape at Stanford University. Intent on powering through her emotions to return to her daily life, Miller begins to identify her victim self as “Emily Doe.” She separates herself from the painful memories associated with her assault and describes containing these memories in metaphorical jars that she can hide away mentally. This is a technique Miller learned young, in part because she grew up in a high-pressure environment that emphasized success over self-care. In the wake of multiple, successive suicides within her high school community, Miller explains, “[T]here was a sudden disjunction between what was felt and what was seen; all appeared normal” (39). She attempts to appear normal in her own life but is soon unable to hide the physical, emotional, and mental toll of her rape.

Miller’s instinctive reliance on dissociation likely also reflects the cultural climate surrounding sexual assault (and women’s position broadly). Rape is inherently objectifying and consequently alienates Miller from her own body. The aftermath then exacerbates this alienation in a number of ways: She reads news coverage that refers to her in the third person, she sees photos of herself that depict her as a series of anonymous body parts, and she develops a highly studied persona to maximize her credibility.