Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

Sandberg explains how her own medical issues forced her husband Dave to be the primary caregiver in the days immediately following their son's birth. This proved to be fortuitous, since Dave had no choice but to immediately learn many skills other fathers forgo. In the following months, however, Sandberg and her husband found themselves "fall[ing] into traditional, lopsided gender roles" as a result of the pressures of Dave's work and commuting schedule (106). This is fairly typical: Sandberg cites statistics suggesting that women do about 40 percent more childrearing and 30 percent more housework than their husbands, even when both partners are working full-time jobs.

Sandberg acknowledges that women may be more naturally "nurturing" than men, but argues that that alone does not justify this unequal division of labor (108). Just as we overcome instinctive drives in other areas of our lives, Sandberg suggests, we can learn to share the job of parenting. Unfortunately, there is currently little incentive for couples to work out alternative arrangements; in fact, many women "inadvertently discourage their husbands from doing their share by being too controlling or critical" (108). Public policy further exacerbates the situation by treating mothers as the "designated parent" (107).

As a result, women often end up leaving the workforce simply because they are overwhelmed.