The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Bungay Stanier argues that when delving into a problem with an employee, a manager should proceed under the assumption that the real problem is not usually the first thing brought up. While he recognizes a degree of behavioral conditioning in a manager’s urge to rectify a problem, he advises them to resist, as this behavior breeds codependency. Instead, the manager should ask the question, “What’s the real challenge here for you?” The “for you” draws out reflection from the recipient, keeping the focus on them and their problems. When the real problem is drawn out, the manager can help fix it rather than waste time on other issues.

Bungay Stanier presents hypothetical scenarios in which the real problem is sometimes buried. An astute manager will allow their employee to speak their mind, and reestablish focus as necessary. Bungay Stanier mentions three obstacles called “Foggy-fiers” (86)—proliferation of challenges, coaching the ghost, and abstractions and generalizations. The first Foggy-fier, proliferation of challenges, is likened to popcorn; one pop leads to the next and so on. What starts out as a single problem becomes a launching pad for other problems. In such situations, Bungay Stanier recommends asking “What’s the real challenge here for you?” as a means of keeping an employee focused on the real problem.